Let’s Marry Harry Ep. 3: He Wants a Wife… So He Kissed 11 Women?!

You don't suddenly become monogamous because the opportunity disappears. You become monogamous because you decide that what you're building with one person matters more than the validation available from everybody else.

Welcome back to from Missus to Miz. We are on episode three of the Let's Marry Harry recap. I'm really enjoying doing this because I actually enjoyed watching the show. I thought it was very entertaining. I kind of didn't believe the whole Harry Jowsey really wants to get married and that he's a changed man in order to do that. But

I am enjoying the show. It's pretty fun and pretty exciting. So I am going to go over episode three. I'm gonna really try not to do too many spoilers, but if there is, well, you probably want to watch the show first and then follow up with this episode. All right, so here we go. Remember last episode when I said you cannot create a new relationship using all of your old relationship patterns? Do you remember that? Well, apparently Harry heard me and said, hold my beer.

Because this man who's repeatedly told us that he is ready to leave his old life behind and settle down and find one woman and become a husband kisses eleven women in one night. Eleven. Are you guys hearing me? Eleven. There's only 15 women left, and he kissed eleven of them. So if we calculate that out, Harry has kissed approximately 73% of his potential wives in just one evening. Sir.

This is not Costco. You do not need to sample everything before deciding what you like. And the best part, Harry actually eventually asks himself, why do I keep kissing everyone? I wish I could say that with an Australian accent, but I can't. Why do I keep kissing everyone? Did I get it? No. Harry, that is what we are all asking as well. But this episode actually gets into something that I've been waiting for since episode one, because I've been asking,

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Can Harry really change his relationship patterns? And episode three gives us our first real test of this. Not when Harry's sitting in a confessional talking about wanting marriage, not when he's talking about losing his dad or telling us about how much he wants children. I'm talking about when Harry actually has temptation that is sitting directly in front of him. What is he then? Because that is the Harry a wife is eventually going to have to live with. All right, let's get into this mess. This is too good not to. Okay.

So where we left off, we left off that Donnell has shaken up the house. Okay. So we're gonna start upstairs. So last episode, Harry takes Danelle upstairs on her birthday. They're gonna go upstairs and celebrate. They disappear. The women realize that Harry and Donnell aren't downstairs anymore. And suddenly everyone is like, hmm, where's Harry? Where's Donnell? And the energy completely changes, right? Because they've started to realize,

Neither of them are here. I can only imagine what that feels like, just like a pit in your stomach when you're like, gosh, really. So Sam and Maya B actually go upstairs looking for them. And when Harry and Danelle come out, Maya invites them to come join everybody in the hot tub. Now, I will say that we did see some stuff going on with Harry and Danelle in the room. They were chatting, they were having little banter back and forth, and they were kind of kissing and making out a little bit.

And so you're kind of like going, hmm, okay, what is gonna happen here? And why is he just living upstairs? Like this is kind of crazy. This is extreme access and very difficult for him to have actually any private time with women because they're just downstairs, but that's the way they did it.

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Okay, so Maya has invited them to join them in the hot tub, and Sam says something that I think tells us exactly where this experiment is headed. She basically says she feels like she caught her boyfriend cheating. Now, let's discuss this. Is Harry her boyfriend? No. Is Harry dating fourteen other women? Yes. Did Sam knowingly sign up for this? Also, yes. But here's where reality dating shows get psychologically bizarre.

You intellectually understand that we're all dating Harry, but emotionally, once you've kissed him, once he made you feel special, once you've had like this private conversation or a date, and you start imagining yourself at the end, suddenly it becomes, now why is my man upstairs with Donnell? That's the shift. And I'm watching Sam closely now because she is starting to feel ownership. So we got to be careful of that.

Now, Donnell is still my friend runner. And here's what I find interesting. Donnell isn't just another woman that Harry kissed. There's a difference in her in his energy around her. Now, the last episode I put her at number one, and I am still keeping her there. Harry seeks her out. There is obvious sexual chemistry. She's confident. She doesn't seem intimidated by him. And she's 33, which is probably why she's a little bit more confident and not intimidated. And I think that still matters because she carries herself

Differently than some of the younger women do. But I have a question for Danelle too. Are you actually falling for Harry? Or are you falling for the fact that Harry is choosing you over other women? Oof. Cause those can feel very similar in this kind of environment. You know, being desired by the most desired person in the room is very intoxicating, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you two are compatible. So she does still stay at the top of my board, but I am watching her too.

So at the end of Donnell and Harry being upstairs in the room, they did show them get underneath the covers and there's a lot of noises going on. so we can only assume what they are doing under there. It's an assumption. We don't really know. We didn't really see anything. So that's kind of a interesting issue. and then the next morning when Harry shows up, he asks to talk to Donnell. And they actually go outside into like a little barn or something.

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And he basically tells her that he doesn't want her to think this is just sex for him, which to me that implies they had sex. Why would you say this isn't just sex if you didn't have sex? But he said, This just isn't sex to me. And he gave her what he said he brought, a little ring. It was like a very thin little band that he said he wanted to give that to her personally just to let her know that this was not just sex and that.

He was really enjoying getting to know her and want to get to know her better. And he kind of was putting her as his front runner as well. So I'm gonna take that because we're both on the same page with Donellow. And it's meant to be a little secret. They're not supposed to say, hey, you know, she's not supposed to go and go, look what Harry gave me. So it maybe also is a little bit of a test to see how she can hold that information if she's one that's gonna go and just blurb it out and show everybody.

Kind of like Faith did in, you know, the last episode, or is she somebody that, you know, can keep it to herself because she's really there for the right reasons? Hmm, guess we're gonna find out. Okay, so at this point, the women, unfortunately, which is expected, they start turning on each other. So Juliana is in the kitchen talking with Rakia and Abby about what happened upstairs with Donnell and Harry. And she basically says, I'm not applauding Donnell for what happened, but I applaud her guts.

And then Sammy, who is sitting nearby, she starts laughing. Well, Juliana thinks Sammy is laughing at her. And Sammy says she didn't even hear the conversation. And then suddenly we got tension. And this is where these shows always get me because we we hate to say it, but we love the drama. We like to see a little bit of tension, conflict, discourse, whatever you want to call it, right? We like to see a little bit of that. And we are definitely getting that. and of course.

They're in an environment where they are insecure and they're intimidated. So of course, Juliana is going to take it personally that Sammy just happened to laugh right when she said something about Donnell having guts. So it did kind of set this uncomfortable moment. So somehow Harry is dating 15 women simultaneously. And this is now transformed into why did that woman laugh near me? So that's her big question.

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Ladies, the common denominator is a six foot five Australian man. But this is exactly what happens when women are put into a competition for male attention. Instead of asking, is Harry behaving in a way that makes me feel emotionally safe? We start asking, what is she doing to get Harry's attention? And that's why I've been saying from episode one that Harry should not automatically be the prize. The women

As I've said this many, many times in my episodes before, the women should still be evaluating him. We are not sitting there going, how does he feel about me? Why doesn't he like me? Does he want to see me more? We're saying, how do I feel about him? Do I like him? Do I like the way he makes me feel? Do I like what he is representing to be my husband? Right? You know I've said that. Okay. Moving on. Harry's big night. Okay, so now we're kind of at the centerpiece of episode three.

Harry decides that the house has gotten tense after this first elimination and he just wants everybody to have fun. Okay, it's reasonable. And so Harry apparently decides the quickest way to improve morale is mouth to mouth contact. Because Harry starts kissing women and he keeps kissing women and he keeps kissing women. And by the end of the evening, he has kissed 11 out of the 15 women. And you guys, I'm not exaggerating here.

Harry later confirmed that episode three is the night he kissed 11 of the 15 remaining women. And Harry is loving it initially. His attitude is essentially, when am I ever gonna have this again? I'm about to get married. This is the dream. And that line is the entire episode for me. Because Harry, that's bachelor party logic. Hmm. That's the I'm about to settle down. So let me get everything out of my system first.

And I don't believe marriage works that way. You don't suddenly become monogamous because the opportunity disappears. You become monogamous because you decide that what you're building with one person matters more than the validation available from everybody else. That's the difference. Hmm. Okay, so here's the first real test of this new Harry. This is exactly what we've been waiting for. Episode one, Harry told us who he wants to become.

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Episode two, Harry starts developing connections. Hep Episode three, Harry gets temptation. And what happens? Ugh, there's the old Harry. The old Harry shows up. Now I'm not saying that kissing multiple women on a dating show makes him a terrible person. That's literally the format of the show. The bachelor kisses multiple women too. But eleven, come on. At some point you're no longer gathering information. You're having a pretty typical Tuesday for Harry. And what makes this fascinating is

Is that Harry knows it. Eventually, he even covers his face and says, what am I doing? I've kissed the whole house. I'm supposed to be finding my wife. What is going on? So he totally acknowledges it. And that is actually the part where I guess I'm going to give him a little credit because self-awareness is step one. Harry recognizes the behavior while he's doing it. The problem is, well, self-awareness without

Actual behavioral change is just really accurate narration. I mean, you can know you're love bombing someone, you can know you're avoidant, you can know you seek validation, you can know that you use physical intimacy instead of emotional intimacy. Wonderful. Now what are you gonna do differently? That's the actual test. So why does Harry keep kissing everyone? And I actually think that we have an answer. Because kissing is easy for Harry.

Harry knows how to create chemistry. He knows how to flirt. He knows he's six five. He knows he's Australian. He knows how to make women feel desired. And he knows how to create sexual tension. He's probably been rewarded for those skills probably his entire life. But you know what's actually harder is sitting across from someone and saying what scares you? What does marriage mean to you? How do you handle conflict? What happened in your last relationship? What do you need from a partner?

When you're struggling, and what kind of parent do you want to be? Those are the tough conversations. Those are the actual conversations that create the intimacy. Kissing does nothing but create dopamine. And if you're somebody who historically avoids these uncomfortable conversations, well, physical chemistry can become just a shortcut to connection. And that's what I think we're watching here, you guys. I really do. All right, so we're gonna fast forward to the painting date. So this is a group date.

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And this is with Juliana. It's with Sammy, Jade, and Shane. Okay. And these women are supposed to be painting. It's very wholesome, very artistic, very wait, Harry's the nude model. Of course he is. Because apparently the producer said, How can we help this man stop sexualizing every connection? Phew, I know. Let's take his clothes off. Excellent intervention.

But before Naked Harry even arrives, Sammy and Juliana are already competing for his attention. Now remember, they already had this little bit of discourse between Sammy laughing when Juliana made her comment. And so Juliana thought that, you know, that was her laughing at her. We don't really know. She said she wasn't, but they are, you know, it's already started something. And now in addition to it, they are already competing for Harry's attention. And this is where Juliana really moves onto my radar. So, okay.

Sammy paints her name with a heart on Harry's chest. Cute? Yeah. Flirty? Yeah. Territorial? Yeah. And Juliana basically looks at that and says, uh-uh, absolutely not. She goes over and she basically covers Sammy's name with blue paint. Okay, so this is where we're going. Catfight. Juliana even describes herself as territorial with her person and says she doesn't like sharing her people.

That was her response to Harry when he said, What are you doing here? She says, I'm territorial with my person. I do not like to share. Ma'am, you are on a dating show with 15 fiances. Sharing is currently in the terms and conditions. But here's what interests me. Harry seems to like this. He responds to Juliana's competitiveness. He responds to the flirting and to her being bold. He's loving it. And he eventually chooses Juliana for additional one-on-one time because.

Harry likes to feel like he's being chased, like he is the prize. And so that's why he's really liking the way Juliana is doing it's it's feeding him, is what it's doing. So I am now watching Juliana very closely, not necessarily because I think she's perfect for Harry, actually almost the opposite. I think that she may activate something in Harry. And I'm not convinced that it's the healthy part. And okay, I just want to explain this is what I mean when I say

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Chemistry versus compatibility. Remember when I said they are not the same thing? So Juliana and Harry, chemistry. Absolutely. They're playful, they're challenging each other, she's being competitive, there's total sexual attention, you know, there's this whole push-pull dynamic, but that is not compatibility. We have absolutely no idea if they're compatible. And Harry's history makes this especially important because of Harry's old pattern.

Is being drawn towards intensity, then the women who are giving him the biggest butterflies may actually be the ones that he needs to examine the most carefully. Because butterflies, as we've said before, they're not always romance. Butterflies can be the red flags or your nervous system letting you know something isn't right. And we mistake that often for chemistry, and we're like, I feel this way about him. I have butterflies.

That's not always what it is. And so sometimes it's just a nervous saying, I recognize this shit. Okay. So now I'm gonna skip it. I'm gonna go back to Jade. So if you remember in the last episode, Harry saved Jade. He felt like he needed a little bit more time with her. His friends didn't think she was right for him, sending him home, but he felt he needed a little bit more time. So he saved her. And in replacement, he sent Faith home, right? Remember keeping up with me? Yeah. So his confidence wander gone, and Harry says.

Haven't had enough time with her. I find her exciting and I want to know more. So now he's on a group date with Jade. This is a perfect opportunity. And what happens? Well, nothing because he's spending all his energy with Juliana. And this is why I get frustrated with him because he overrode his friends, his advisors, because he insisted that there was something with Jade. And he finally now has the opportunity to explore that because they are here on a date with only her and three other women, and he's distracted.

By the shiner by the shinier chemistry across the room. Harry, this is exactly what your friends are trying to help you to stop doing. Okay, we also have Shane. Now, Shane actually made me laugh during this date because she paints Harry as a mermaid because apparently she essentially refused to look below the waist. She wasn't paying attention to that. Honestly, I don't know. Mad respect. Everybody else, how can I seduce Harry?

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Shane is like, congratulations, you're Ariel. Unfortunately, that is probably not the strategy that wins let's marry Harry, because remember, Harry is a very sexual being. But I did enjoy her. She was fun, but she's kind of off my radar. Okay, so let's talk about the women competing. Here's my bigger issue with this date. I don't like watching women start making territory over a man who is not committed to any one of them. And so Sammy writes her name on Harry. Juliana covers it.

The women are upset about Donnell. Sam feels she caught her boyfriend cheating. We're three episodes in. This is exactly why I go back to the same question. Are these women trying to determine whether Harry is right for them? Or are they trying to win Harry? Because once winning becomes a goal, well, your standards become very negotiable, right? So suddenly something you wouldn't tolerate from a man in real life becomes, well, this is the process. And that is dangerous. This week.

Given it to Sammy. I know. I don't want to dislike Sammy. And actually, I don't dislike her. I just, I don't know. If you're painting your name with a heart on the bare chest of a man who kissed almost every woman in the house last night, well, I don't know, girl, that's a lot. This is no longer dating. This is arts and crafts warfare. And I say, run. But I also want to give an all honorable mention to every woman who watched Harry kiss his way through the house that night and thought, I just need to kiss him better.

That is what the women were thinking. They know each other kissed him. They've seen him. It's not that big of a house that they're not seeing him kiss each of these women. And their thoughts are, what do I gotta do to kiss them better? Nah. If you have to outperform 10 other women to earn basic emotional security from a man, well, the prize may just not be worth the winning. Okay. I do have one moment where I actually agree with Harry.

Harry eventually re realizes this is not what I am here to do. He recognizes that kissing everyone isn't helping him find his wife. And I agree. I'm like, amen. Yes. The fact that Harry catches himself does matter because I don't expect somebody with years of unhealthy dating patterns to suddenly become perfect. That's unrealistic. So growth is messy and you can fall into your own pattern and then recognize it later. So I appreciate him for that because he did obviously fall into his own pattern.

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And then he recognized what he was doing. So the question becomes, well, what happens next, Harry? What do you do from that? What do you take from that? Where do you go? Does Harry actually change his behavior or does he just feel guilty and then he goes back and he does it again? Cause again, two very different things. All right, let's talk about who I'm watching after season three. Let's talk about the women because my board has changed. Now I still have Donelle in number one.

She's still the number one spot because the chemistry between them is undeniable. Harry seeks her out. She occupies his mind. And he's given her that little ring. So he has some more intention than he does with the other women, right? And the other women are noticing this. They are starting to get a little bit more territorial about somebody who is a threat. Donnell is a threat, right? My number two, Amber. Not she wasn't even on the date.

But I am keeping Amber high enough, even though this wasn't necessarily her giant episode, because I still think Harry is intrigued by the fact that he can't completely read her. She is not giving him any kind of easy validation. And Harry is a man who is accustomed to easy validation. And that's what makes Amber different. She is a chase for Harry, and Harry loves a good chase. She says, You don't really know me. You gotta learn to know me. You gotta earn it. And Harry is like, shwing.

Yes, I do, girl. I am coming after you. That's intriguing for him. All right, number three, my next person on the board is Juliana, one to watch, right? Welcome to the board. Juliana and Harry, they have serious chemistry, obviously, but I'm putting a giant asterisk beside her name because I'm not convinced she's bringing out the Harry who wants a peaceful, stable marriage. She may be bringing out the Harry who loves the game, and those two are very different Harry's. I'm also watching Sam.

Because the jealousy is starting. And jealousy this early tells me that feelings are developing quickly. And whether, I don't know, is Harry developing feelings at the same rate? I don't know. I guess we'll see. All right. So we're gonna get to the elimination. So another five women are going home at this point. So I'm gonna tell you who Harry's closest friends choose, and then we're gonna see what actually happens.

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Spoiler alert, spoiler alert. If you don't know who is eliminated, I'm about to say it. Okay. Emily, Charlie, Shane, Jade, back in there, Jade, and Sammy. The mom. Okay. So these are the five that they said were going, right? So Emily, Charlie, Shane, very

I don't know, not very memorable, very vague to me. I do remember Charlie, beautiful woman. She was a little too serious for him. I think Harry is all about the fun and just having a good time, and she was way too serious for that. And then, of course, Jade, nothing transpired from them having another opportunity to get to know each other. It just didn't pan out. And he really should have let her go the first time, in my opinion. and he should have listened to his friends. And then we have Sammy. and Sammy.

Is the mom. He's very attracted to her. There's something there, but he is sensing something is not quite right that she's becoming very territorial. And so this time Harry lets that decision stand. There's no dramatic save this week, which means Jade goes home after Harry saved her last time. And again, this is why I'm trying to pay attention to Harry's picker because his confidence, his confidance saw something last week, and Harry overrode them. One episode later, they were right. Interesting.

That doesn't mean that Harry can't trust himself, but it reinforces why having Georgia, Amanda, and Sonny there may actually turn out to be very useful. Okay, so I also want to do my Harry Husband material score, because I I just love this doing a score on him. So last episode, I had Harry at a five out of ten. Episode three. Harry, we're going down. We're going down. I'm giving you a four out of ten. And let's be real, you kissed.

Way more than that in that evening. But let me tell you why. Okay, here's the positives.

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He recognized that his behavior isn't aligned with his goal. He did show some remorse. He seems genuinely concerned about hurting people. And he's actually becoming a little bit self more self aware. But eleven women, Harry. If your stated goal is, I'm here to identify one person to be my wife, and your strategy is let me kiss virtually everyone, and in one night.

Think we're moving towards intentional dating. I just don't. I think we're moving towards spring break. So my hairy husband material score is a four out of 10 this week. I want to know what you give him because some of you are going to say, Andrea, it's a dating show. He's supposed to explore fair. Although I think on The Bachelor, kind of same thing. And yeah, he might kiss maybe one or two women, or she might kiss one or two men, you know, in one evening. It's not 11 in one evening. Come on. But

We need to know where the line is between just having a good time and actually trying to explore connections, right? because that's what he's kind of doing. He's just indulging in the exact behavior that's supposedly he's trying to leave behind. So that's the question. And interestingly, Harry has talked about this episode since it aired. Now he said that the whole process actually started getting scary. Is that where scary Harry came from? Not sure.

Because he realized that there were actually real feelings involved from these women and he could actually be hurting people. And I do believe him that he felt that. But being afraid you're going to hurt someone and actually changing the behavior that is hurting them, again, two different things. I should have called this show two different things, because that is what we are getting all the time. All right, my big takeaway from episode three.

Well, it's confirmed something that I felt from the beginning that Harry's biggest challenge isn't going to be finding a woman that he likes because that's easy. He likes women a lot. his challenge is going to be can he tolerate choosing? Is he able to actually choose one? Or does he have to have a buffet of women at all times? Because choosing one means giving up the others and every other possibility. And for someone who has built an identity around attention and

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Options and flirting and being desired, well, that is a sacrifice for someone like that. Marriage isn't. I finally found someone attractive enough for me to stop looking. Marriage is I've chosen this relationship and I'm willing to protect it even when other attractive possibilities exist. Harry hasn't shown me that yet. He hasn't shown any of us that yet. But for the first time, I do think Harry himself is beginning to realize that that is the actual assignment.

Welcome to the show. All right. I'm gonna give a little bit of episode four tease. Just a little bit. I'm not giving away any spoilers in this. Where are we after episode three? Okay, Harry's kissed 11 women. I've said that a million times. Donnell has half the house rattled. Sam is already feeling cheated on. Sammy literally marked Harry with paint and Juliana erased the competition. Harry got naked. Shane turned her painting into a mermaid. And let's see, five more fiancés are.

Gone. And somehow we are still calling this search for a wife. God, I love this show. All right. Next up in episode four is breakups are never easy. And apparently we are finally going to put to the test something I care about even more than the kissing. Communication. Because finding somebody that you want to sleep with, well, Harry has demonstrated how easy that is and that he has the skill to do that. But finding somebody that you can actually repair conflict with, that, my friends, is husband material.

So I'm off to watch episode four and I'm gonna watch for one thing. When things stop being fun, who is Harry? All right, you guys, I wanna know your episode three score. After kissing eleven out of fifteen women, what do you give Harry for his husband material score? Again, mine is four out of ten. Tell me yours in the comment. I wanna know what your score is, and you can tell me why, or you can just put the number in there.

I'm good with that. And please do not forget to follow from Mrs. Smiz because we are absolutely loving watching this train wreck. And I'm loving that you guys are joining me on this adventure. If you are enjoying this episode, please make sure to like, follow, and subscribe. You guys put a review. And so it's so, so much appreciated. I've got full videos on YouTube. If you're not watching, I'm on there wearing my

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made in the nineties shirt in support of when Harry was born. And so go check that out. That's all I got for you this week. I'll be back with the next recap of episode four, you guys. Talk to you soon. Bye.